


Chrome Plated Carbonated Casanova

by sunsetblue



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Pepsiman (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Sorry Not Sorry, crystal pepsi, falling through the sky, had sex like an eagle, harry loves his broom too much, pepsimans aluminum donger, third person snape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-07 16:21:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20820236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetblue/pseuds/sunsetblue
Summary: exactly what it says on the tin, babey





	Chrome Plated Carbonated Casanova

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pastelairel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelairel/gifts).

Something golden flitted into Harry's vision. It paused for a second, hovering in the air before darting off towards the sun.

With a sensual lunge downwards, Harry directed his rod towards the snitch, whipping it at each twist and turn. The snitch, ever elusive, dove under one of the tents. Harry clenched his thin, pale european legs around the smooth wooden staff of his broom. A lean into swivel ground his soft lovewand into the hard oak.

The snitch slipped under the curtain of the tent. Harry, too big by a fair measure, erupted through the thick fabric.

As soon as he emerged, victorious with snitch in hand, he was blinded by a silver light.

Like Persephone being birthed from the waves, a God of cool refreshment appeared to all. 

Harry, slick with sweat and other wizardly fluids, gasped for air.

And maybe, something else.

The metallic man walked over to him, air feeling as solid as a thousand steel cocks to his delicious feets. The crowd stood silent, breaths hitched in anticipation of what would happen next.

Cold cobalt fingers lifted Harry's chin, causing him to lip at a formless mouth, hand tightening around the lacquered stalk of his mount, the other rolling the snitch around his palm.

"What's your name?"

Though nothing moved on the face of the metal Adonis, Harry heard the reply.

"Pepsiman"

The friction from his broom, combined with the lust of winning and heat of cool, slender fingers, caused Harry Jr to awaken.

The wizard smashed his hips against the broomstick, desperate to jiggle his puff.

Pepsiman stopped him, and lifted his hips off the wood. Harry clenched more at first, not wanting to lose his only source of hard, smooth objects, before he understood and relaxed.

Pepsiman was hard and smooth.

Harry was rolled onto the cobalt chest and wiry, muscular thighs. Pepsiman plucked the forgotten snitch from Harry's hand, then pressed it against the white boy's plump, unmoisturized lips that parted to engulf it.

Glimmering biceps wrapped around Harry's lithe bod, and they shot into the air, pausing briefly before gravity caught up with them.

The light Quidditch pants slipped off easily, and his shirt was quickly rolled up to above his rosy nips. Harry palmed the silvery bulge, as one lightning blue hand tweaked at his pink buds.

They fell and tumbled through the air, like naked, sweaty eagles, locked in each other's embrace.

Harry's sex sausage twitched like a stunned snake when it met the metal of Pepsiman's thigh, and soon a silvery viper slithered where only a formless bulge lurked before.

Pepsiman looked eyelessly into Harry's orbs, grabbing one of his hands so they could both wrap around their butt seeking burritos.

The overstimulation of the hot and cold sent Harry's seed flying into the air, a white ribbon of their love that painted a school of pigeons into doves.

After his minute of post-nut glow and a couple thousand feet in their free fall, Harry realized that his soda soulmate hadn't finished.

He lightly grasped the blue missile, stroking it like a Sphynx Cat until it detonated Pepsi Max all over Harry's surprised face.

Having just masturbated with a God, Harry forgot all about the snitch in his mouth, and choked on it in post orgasmic bliss. Pepsiman, having thought that the boy was simply tired from their frantic lovemaking, did not notice until it was too late.

The Quidditch crowd could only watch as the carbonated casanova descended, body of the boy wizard laying limp and naked in his arms. 

Ron leapt down from the tents, scurrying down the fabric like an orange opossum. Pepsiman kneeled, allowing Ron to come crashing before him.

"Even in death, he looks so hot!"

Up from his judging pedestal, Dumbledore nodded sagely.

Hermoine kicked Snape off the stand and then jumped after, so that his body would soften her fall.

She jogged over to the weeping rat and knock off silver surfer.

"Hey idiots, I heard that Crystal Pepsi can bring someone back to life?"

Ron looked up.

"C-Crystal Pepsi? But they discontinued that years ago!"

Ron, the ginger idiot, started sobbing again.

Pepsiman looked up at Hermoine, and then started to glow like a gay Rapunzel. 

A single blinding white tear slid from where an eye might be, before plopping down onto Harry's forehead.

A mirror like swirl curled around the body, until it was obscured entirely. It shook at rose, like a horny tornado, before the light dissipated and everyone gasped.

There, before a kneeling Pepsiman, appeared Manpepsi.

Pepsiman stood, taking Manpepsi's hand, and the two embraced before a cheering crowd.

They took off into the sky, never to be seen again.

I would know, I was Snape.


End file.
